5/40 40 Days of Prayer & Fasting

As I stare at my monitor I don't even know where to begin. I would have described today as a typical day for the most part. At one point I had to stop work and say a prayer to help me get through the urge of using my phone for texting since that is what I'm fasting for the 40 Days but all in all, nothing was out of the ordinary. I got off of work and headed to Mom & Dad's to pick up Sadie and to grab a quick bite to eat before church. At the dinner table I got a call from my friend, Mary Pat, making sure I was coming and that I knew to look for her when I got there. I slid in beside her at about 7:10, you know me, never on time. Pastor began speaking about being careful of the vows and promises we make. Some of those decisions when made in quick response can be things that last with you for a lifetime. I'll be honest, I really wasn't feeling God pinpointing something specific in my life while he was talking. We moved into a time of prayer and I have been writing my prayers down in a notebook this year. I think when I'm given a longer period of time writing my prayers makes me less "wandering" in my thoughts. Anyhow, I spent the next 15-20 mins praying for several people and situations. This 40 Days I really felt like God wanted me to spend my time praying for other's needs versus my own needs. Maybe part of that is I feel like my physical healing that I got last year was such a blessing, I really feel almost guilty for asking for more. There are so many people who have needs greater than mine that I'd rather them get a miracle. But tonight I started out praying for myself and at one point I even gave myself a little talk on how I should be praying for others but talked back to myself (because yes, I am crazy) and said, it's ok to let some of this stuff out, you just need to vent some. I began thanking God for giving me strength earlier in the day when I felt my self control fading fast and the desires of my flesh beginning to win. I prayed for Him to change the desires of my heart. For the things that I want but aren't of Him to be changed. I also prayed "break the chains of bondage, In Jesus name!"

I guess we've all made mistakes. I tell myself that all the time. I'm not the only one who has done stupid stuff. I made my mistake when I was 16 and every day since I have regretted it. But it wasn't just that day. I made the same mistake over and over through the years and that I think is what makes me feel like what I've done is so unforgivable. If I was really sorry for what I had done wouldn't I have "turned from my wicked ways" and never returned. Somehow, I found myself in that same situation, making that same mistake and feeling just as guilty and just as unclean and sorry as the first time. I'd cry, I'd get mad, I'd try to ignore it...

This past year I joined our single's group in a Beth Moore study called "Breaking Free". There was one point in her video that she said "do you find you have a sin that you commit and in your head you're thinking 'I don't want to do this, why am I doing this, I hate myself for this', well this study is going to show you how you're in bondage." It's then that I felt God begin something in me.

Sorry, back to tonight's events...Pastor was back in front of the sanctuary and you could see by his body language the burden he had. He wanted to listen to God and do what he felt God wanted him to do. He said he was wrestling on how to close the end of the prayer time when a man gave him a prayer card and felt the pastor himself should pray over it. He commented on the beautiful handwriting on the card. At this, he had my attention because honestly, I've been told I have pretty handwriting before and I knew I had taken my time writing out my request. I held my breath waiting for him to say it was written in green ink but he didn't, so I thought I was in the clear.....And then he began reading it. My breath caught and tears began to well up in my eyes. I kept wiping them and willing them away but they wouldn't quit. The prayer request was for me to finally be free of my past mistakes, to finally forgive myself. He went to his Bible and read from Luke 13. It's about a woman who had been crippled by a spirit for 18 years and Jesus said to her "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity"...she was immediately healed. He then ask if the person who wrote the prayer card was present. I raised my hand...He asked me to come up front. And right then and there I believe with all of my heart God broke the chains of bondage and healed me. All I could say is "thank you Jesus", I had no other thoughts come through my mind. Service was over and I found my way back to my seat where I had people hugging me and telling me how that very prayer request was something they too could have written and let me know if I needed anything to please tell them. At that point I honestly felt like I was drugged on some kind of medication. Everything felt so hazy and dreamlike. I made my way to my parents and I think they were in as much shock as I was. I drove home and literally found myself in a hot bubble bath staring at the knob for the water wondering what in the world had just happened. I'm still wondering what happened, yet I know without a doubt. God amazes me. Someone like me who deserves His forgiveness and grace the least, He continues to bless. It makes no.sense. But I'm thankful and I give Him all the glory because it's definitely not because of anything I've done. ....and people wonder why I'm a Jesus Freak....if they only knew.

Daily Gifts of Grace by Women of Faith

Book Description

Women of Faith speakers share insight, advice, laughter, and maybe even a few tears in this daily devotional. Voices from fiction, recognizable names from Christian conferences, and well-known Christian writers also are included.

Daily Gifts of Grace is a daily devotional designed specifically for women, with a beautiful hardbound case and a magnetic closure. Readers will be pleased to open it for a devotion that will help them face the day or for an inspirational devotion to close the day.

Contributors include Joni Eareckson Tada, Lisa Whelchel, Jenna Lucado, Sheila Walsh, Kim Cash Tate, Patsy Clairmont, Natalie Grant, Lisa Harper, and others.

Book Review

This book is everything I thought it would be, which is a good thing! It's a daily devotional full of Godly wisdom. I just recently went to a Women of Faith conference and was chomping at the bit to purchase something from the literature table but because of that silly thing called a budget I had to pass. I've found this book portrays the same thing you get while at one of their conferences and that is God's word lived out in real women's lives. The size, design and layout of the book makes it perfect for a gift or even for yourself to carry along in your purse or keep at work when you need a moment to refocus.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

40 Days of Prayer and Fasting - Day 1

Today begins our annual 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting at church. This year is so different from last year. Last year I was in such bondage from World of Warcraft it's all I could focus on. This year I feel like it's so much NOT about me at all. God wants to use me to help others and in that, I will be rewarded. And rewarded with what God has in store, not what I can ask for. I'm excited this year to see what God can and will do. I've grown so much and just want to praise God for the miracle He gave me last year and celebrate what only He can do for others!! I am physically fasting from texting. Knowing that I've been holding onto some relationships that just need to be severed I feel like this is the time to do it. I know that by not putting the effort into keeping in contact with them, they will not make the effort into contacting me. The people who want to be in my life and should be in my life will make the extra effort to get in touch with me. I'm also going to be attending the services at church during the 40 days. It's going to be a stretch to discipline myself to get there every night but I want to be there.

Intentions for 2012

You know the suckiest part about growing up and being an adult is the moment you realize that you don't always get to sit back and wait for things to happen. Sometimes you have to muster up your own motivation and just do somethings yourself. I'm a smart girl, I promise, but somethings just seem to take awhile to click for me.
I'm now 31 and I'm just really getting that if I want to have that super model body or even that sleek dancer body, I'm actually going to have to do more than daydream about it. If I want to get out of debt and stay out of debt, I'm actually going to have to work with a budget, not pretend I can do math in my head. If I want to be a knowledgeable Christian, I'm going to have to actually read my Bible and study it. If I want a healthy relationship, I'm going to have to do things to promote that, not things that destroy it. I'm not sure where my lack of cause and effect started to break down but I have had my eyes opened to it and can say there are several areas of my life that I tend to not put the effects (consequences) with the causes (actions...my actions..actions that I actually come up with on my own).
I have someone in my life that has recently been hurt emotionally from my actions and I can't tell you the pain it causes me to think that my own thoughts and then actions effected someone this way. The good thing that has come out of it is that once again my eyes have been opened to something I really need to work on. That I need to be so much more intentional in my life instead of sitting around waiting for things to just happen. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you can "make" somethings happen or even control everything, but I do think that if you put effort into an area of your life you definitely increase the chances of what you want to happen to actually come to fruition. So with the New Year here and a chance to start with a clean slate this is My Intentions for 2012:
*Remove people from my life that have no other function than to keep me from being alone.
*Actively read my Bible and journal/blog.
*Be honest to myself even when it hurts and it's easier to excuse my behavior.
*Be honest with others even when it hurts and it's easier to ignore the truth.
*Find that internet site that helps minister to the lost that was talked about on Missions Sunday.
*Finish the Couch to 5k program.
This is just the beginning of my list. There's a lot I want to do and this year, I'm going to be intentional about doing it.
To the person I hurt, I'm sorry. You and I both know that all things happen for a reason and I know you were placed in my life for several reasons. Opening my eyes is another one. Thank you for your support and continued grace.