God I Hear You

Do you ever just have this moment where you feel like something cosmic is pulling you or pushing you towards or even away from something?!
I've been experiencing that.  Especially today.  Today I just want to look up at God and say "Ok, I got it!!".

I hear a lot of people say that they never experience God speaking to them.  I hear God all the time.  I've come to terms that maybe my definition of "God speaking" is different than others or maybe that God has to communicate with me differently because I can be so stubborn.  I'm not sure what it is but it seems the last several months, maybe even a year, God has been pushing me towards the mission field.  More specifically, Tanzania.

To be honest, I can't remember specifically when God told me I was going.  It was either during my conversation with him when  he told me he was going to heal me...or during the fasting I was doing right before he healed me.  Either way, it was a few years ago.  I know he told me.  I can't shake it.  I try to talk my way out of Tanzania and into some place closer, preferably downtown Charlotte.  I mean mission work can be done ANYWHERE right?!...so why Tanzania?  I don't know.  I just know that my spirit is becoming uncomfortable.  It's wanting me to move.  I'm seeing my commission everywhere I turn.  From books, sermons, people, you name it.  It's there.

Pray with me.  When I look at this through human eyes I'm left anxious, fearful, nervous, confused, unsure.  However, looking at it through my spiritual eyes I'm at peace.  I know God's voice.  I know I can have peace in Him.  He has it figure out.  He holds all the answers. Pray that I have courage and strength.  Pray for my obedience.  Pray for favor and open doors.  

Healing: 2 Year Anniversary

I can't believe it's been 2 years.  I think about it often though.  If I think about it long enough I can still bawl my eyes out at the wonder of it. My life is so different now.  I still love my sleep and I still hate waking up in the mornings but it's different.  

It's not just my sleeping patterns that are different though.  I'm different.  I think back to where I was in my relationship with God then and how that day God ignited a desire in my heart for Him that I had never experienced. My life was no longer about ME but what God could do through me.  I see that now.  I didn't then but I had the yearning.  I just knew that somehow I had to give back! I knew God didn't heal me so I could sit back and enjoy it for myself.

I think back to the guilt that I was living with.  All of the mistakes I had made.  The failure I felt for "knowing better" and yet stuck in a horrible cycle.  Wondering how I could make the decisions I was making knowing how I would feel afterwards.  I get it now.  There was no cure for any of it, there was nothing *I* could do but seek God.  HE would change me.  He would change my desires.  He changed my life.  The loneliness, the fear, the shame, the anger, the exhaustion, the frustration...He's taken it.  Unlike my physical healing it wasn't an immediate healing.  It's been a process.  He's brought so many things into my life....fostering dogs, small groups, a new church, a sponsored child, sermons, bible studies, friends, to just name a few.  Each thing refining me in a different way.

I have new friends in my life.  Friends that didn't know me the first 30 years of my life.  They see my life now.  They see the whole me.  I wish they could take a glimpse at the old me.  The pain, the hurt, the struggles.  I really DO get what they're going through.  I've been there. Oh how I've been there.  I've made the mistakes but God has redeemed them. 

I just recently watched as Jim Bakker came back to Heritage USA to celebrate how God has come full circle in his life and they called it a Restoration Weekend.  That hit home for me.  God restores.  If all this is nothing but babble, walk away knowing God can and does restore. I'm proof.

The Gaither Homecoming Bible

Book Description

The Gaither Homecoming Bible will make the Bible come alive for those seeking truth in the twenty-first century, even for those who think they already know it. For years, Bill and Gloria Gaither have reached millions of people across generations with the Good News of Jesus Christ. Their music of joy, thanksgiving, and praise ushers people into the presence of God so that He can do His wondrous work in their lives. Featuring inspirational and insightful Scripture devotions by the Gaithers and other favorite Homecoming artists; articles on beloved hymns, gospel songs, and Gaither classics and the inspiration behind them; original poetry by Gloria Gaither to enlighten and inspire; and quotes by greats of the faith, reflecting on the importance of music in the life of believers, this beautiful Bible featuring the New King James Version® (NKJV) is one that readers will treasure for years to come.

Book Review

I have a secret...I have an addiction to Bibles. I love them in different version, sizes, colors, fonts and covers. The Gaither Homecoming Bible is a beautiful hardcover Bible. They used a pleasing font and splashes of color on each page. I was particularly excited to see this in the NKJV since my pastor has recently started to use this version for his Sunday sermons. The downside is that I'm not fond of the hardcover for the Bible I take to church. I would like to have this Bible in a leather cover to allow a heavier use. I also noticed there isn't an index in the back.   I can see this making a great coffee table book!



Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Grace: More Than We Deserve, Greater Than We Imagine By Max Lucado

Book Description

Grace.

We talk as though we understand the term. The bank gives us a grace period. The seedy politician falls from grace. Musicians speak of a grace note. We describe an actress as gracious, a dancer as graceful. We use the word for hospitals, baby girls, kings, and premeal prayers. We talk as though we know what grace means.

But do we really understand it? Have we settled for wimpy grace? It politely occupies a phrase in a hymn, fits nicely on a church sign. Never causes trouble or demands a response. When asked, “Do you believe in grace?” who could say no?

Max Lucado asks a deeper question: Have you been changed by grace? Shaped by grace? Strengthened by grace? Emboldened by grace? Softened by grace? Snatched by the nape of your neck and shaken to your senses by grace?

God’s grace has a drenching about it. A wildness about it. A white-water, riptide, turn-you-upside-downness about it. Grace comes after you. It rewires you. From insecure to God secure. From regret riddled to better-because-of-it. From afraid to die to ready to fly.

Grace is the voice that calls us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off.

Let’s make certain grace gets you.

Book Review

This book is my first "Max Lucado experience".  I've heard his name. I've read reviews.  I've seen his books.  For some reason I have always decided to pass his books up.  After reading this book I have no idea why.  Max Lucado did an amazing job intertwining real life stories with the scriptures of God's Word painting a picture of God's grace in our everyday lives.  I can't tell you the last time I read a book in one evening.  Yes, one evening.  I actually had mentally planned out to read a chapter a night for the next 11 days but chapter after chapter it kept drawing me in for more.  I recommend this book for everyone.  From lost sinner to theologian.    A definite read!!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review: The Voice

Book Description

The Voice™ is a faithful dynamic equivalent translation that reads like a story with all the truth and wisdom of God's Word. Through compelling narratives, poetry, and teaching, The Voice invites readers to enter into the whole story of God with their heart, soul, and mind, enabling them to hear God speaking and to experience His presence in their lives. Through a collaboration of more than 120 biblical scholars, pastors, writers, musicians, poets, and artists, The Voice recaptures the passion, grit, humor, and beauty that is often lost in the translation process. The result is a retelling of the story of the Bible in a form as fluid as modern literary works, yet remaining painstakingly true to the original manuscripts.

Features include:

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  Italicized information added to help contemporary readers understand what the original readers would have known intuitively
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  In-text commentary notes include cultural, historical, theological, or devotional thoughts
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Screenplay format, ideal for public readings and group studies
*


Book introductions

Part of the Signature Series line of Thomas Nelson Bibles

Book Review

I'm just going to be honest.  I don't see The Voice taking over my NIV or ESV as the Bible I'm taking to church with me on Sunday morning.  I do, however, see myself using this a great deal when doing "Reading the Bible in 90 Days" or even when I'm doing a Beth Moore study.  I see this more as a resource than an everyday bible.  I do like the easy level of reading that is used and even the commentary that is scattered throughout.  I would be likely to give this bible to someone who I know has a hard time reading the bible or even to the bible reader who I know likes to read different versions.  I think some people will get hung up on differences, such as them not using Jesus Christ but Jesus the Appointed One.  After reading some other reviews I do have some concerns such as...

2 Timothy 3:16:


(NIV)  All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,

(ESV) All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

(The Voice) All of scripture is God-breathed: in its inspired voice, we hear useful teaching, rebuke, correction, instruction and training for a life that is right,

I don't like how they seem to have added to this scripture.  Is the same idea evoked?  

I also do not recommend the digital version of this book.  I had a horrible time navigating through.  There is not enough bookmarks to allow looking up scripture easily!  

Overall I give this a 3 out of 5 rating.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Alex: Before

So today is the day. Today I'm taking on my largest challenge as a dog advocate.  Today I'm opening up my heart and home to a 1 1/2 year old Boxer/Terrier mix in hopes of saving his life.  Meet Alex.

Alex was left at the humane society by someone who stuffed him into a carrier and placed the leftover bag of food on top.  A volunteer found him the next morning upon opening.  They had to cut the crate to get him out.  As you can see in the picture the carrier was far to small for the puppy of just a few months.

From what I have been told Alex was adopted out for 8 months but then returned due to anxiety. He's been back for 4 months and is not adjusting.  

During this last 4 months Alex has been back at the humane society I have been going at full speed with wanting to learn and do as much as I can for dogs.  I noticed that a dog trainer had opened up a dog sitting/training business in our business complex at work.  I immediately went to the interwebs to see what I could dig up.  I found their website and facebook page and immediately sent the owner a note saying that I have begun to foster dogs and was looking to better myself in the area of training in hopes to help my fosters become more adoptable.  I also side noted that I had Sadie and she needed some help in her greeting of new dogs and also with greeting customers that come to our showroom.  She replied saying I should come over to her place with Sadie and let her do an evaluation and talk about what could be done.

During our meeting she mentioned to me about Alex and how the humane society was desperately seeking a foster home for him because they had come to terms that the life he was living at the humane society was not humane for him.  He was miserable.  Talks of euthanizing had begun.  The trainer agreed to help me with training both Sadie and Alex if I would foster.  I voiced my concern that Sadie was not friendly with new dogs and I wouldn't be able to help if Alex and Sadie didn't get along.  She agreed to facilitate the meeting of those two to see how it would work.  Needless to say, it went perfectly.  So perfectly that today I'm a nervous wreck in thinking it's not going to go as perfect as the first time. Today is that day we find out.  Today is the day I find out if Alex can live a normal dog life.  Today is hopefully the beginning.  

I've made it sound like I haven't even met Alex except when he met Sadie but that isn't the case.  On my Saturdays at the humane society I've walked him a handful of times and then the past two weekends I've spent time with him at the shelter with him just loving on him while in his kennel.  I wanted him to get used to my smell, my presence and just me.  My favorite Saturday with him was the first time I walked him.  I wanted to get my phone out of my car so I could take pictures of him but he decided he wanted in.  So we chilled out in my car for awhile.  He took to sniffing every square inch.  Afterwards I took him over to the water bowl where he promptly began digging the water out of the bowl splashing everything near him!  

He's a fun dog and I hope this all works out for everyone!!

God Loves Broken People And Those Who Pretend They're Not By Sheila Walsh

Book Description

Readers encounter a new message about God's redemptive plan for their failures and shortcomings.

One bite of forbidden fruit is all it took to send humanity reeling from God. What Sheila Walsh unveils in God Loves Broken People is that God had a divine plan even then that is hidden underneath our pain and mistakes. God intends to wield our failures, our wanderings, and the deep hurt of our lives not only to drive us toward him but also to give us a deeper experience of his grace and healing power.

So many people, Christians and non-Christians alike, look at their wounds and sense that they are somehow beyond repair, that their moments of weakness make them spiritually defective. In this powerful book full of deep biblical teaching, Walsh encourages readers with God's truth that he is not done with them yet, that he can and will redeem their failures to create a deeper intimacy with him and accomplish his kingdom purposes.

Everyone has messed up somehow, sometime. For anyone who is not able to move beyond and experience the deep love and grace of God, they need God Loves Broken People.

Book Review

After recently going to a Women of Faith conference and drooling at the merchandise tables full of books from the speakers. I was so excited to see a book become available through Booksneeze from one of those women speakers. I remember enjoying hearing Shelia Walsh while in Charlotte and I can say after reading her book her stage personality shined through. I could visualize her saying every word. I have been going through the Beth Moore series, Breaking Free and I found God Loves Broken People tying right along with it. She does a great job tying together her personal experiences and those of others with the points she makes throughout the book. I would say her targeted audience is for a middle to older aged woman who is married with children but as a middle aged single female I gleaned from it as well.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My Healing - One Year Anniversary!!

February 27, 2011 marked the end of the 40 days of Prayer and Fasting that I took apart in with the Fort Mill Church of God. Looking back now I never expected the blessing that obeying the simple command of not playing on a video game or computer for 4o days would not only give me, but my family.

The Back Story:

It all started when I was just a little girl, or at least that's what my Mom tells me. Her little girl would go out and play like a normal kid only to shortly return complaining of tiredness. Without getting into a lengthy story I'll just summarize and say we spent the next 15 years in and out of doctors with no explanation, other than blaming my severe allergies or politely calling me lazy, for the excessive tiredness I was experiencing.

At 19 years old I found myself a first time homeowner, full time worker and part time college student. I wasn't lazy. I had gone away to college for my first semester and that's when I noticed I was different than the other kids. Yes, there would be times that my friends would pull all nighters and crash the next day, but after they crashed they would be back to their "normal" selves. I, on the other hand, noticed I would never be satisfied with the amount of sleep I got. I even had people tell me that I was tired because I was receiving too much sleep.

For me the eye opening weekend was when I came home one Friday evening from work and I can still remember being so thankful that it had finally come. All I wanted to do was eat as quick as possible and then climb into bed and sleep. Well sleep I did. That weekend I was only awake for less than 10 hours. Monday evening while over at my parent's for dinner I remember telling my Mom "that's it, something IS wrong". Of course, she had come to this conclusion many years ago but I was finally seeing it for what it was. We called the doctor and made an appointment. Again, skipping some details but it lead us to a Neurologist who believed I had narcolepsy. However, 3 separate sleep studies at the hospital showed I had symptoms of a narcoleptic but that I could not be diagnosed as one. I was sent home with a stimulant prescription (Provigil) that at the time was a newer drug that they were using for narcoleptic patients but also testing on pilots and other professionals who had to stay awake for long periods of time.

My life at age 20 became a pattern of my mother repeatedly calling my home 2 hours before I had to wake up to get ready and yelling for me into my answering machine (you know, the old fashion kind that you can hear all through the house when someone is leaving a message). Some mornings I would hear it on the first ring. Most mornings it took 5-10. The worst ones took 40 or someone actually driving to my house to wake me up. The downside to taking a stimulant to wake you up is that you have to wake up to take it. Through trial and error we realized it took 2 hours for it to take affect with me. So she would call, listen for me to swallow the pills (we realized if she didn't listen I'd sometimes fall asleep with the pills still in my hand) and then call me again 2 hours later to tell me to go get ready. At that point the pills had taken effect and getting out of bed was less of a chore than before. The pills would last about 12 hours. They however didn't overpower lack of normal sleep. I couldn't get away with staying up half the night and then pop pills without feeling tired. They did however change my life as I had known it. Holidays were no longer moments of time for me to wake up long enough to get the essential "family time" in only to return to bed or the nearest couch or bed for a nap. Words of "I'm tired" came out of my mouth far less. We felt we had been given a miracle and to this day I still believe finding that medicine was. A couple years later I discovered the downside of the medicine. I had changed jobs and no longer had health insurance and realized that my miracle drug cost $10 a pill and I took 2 a day. After a lot of research and prayer I found a organization that I had to apply to that would potentially cover the cost of my medication for 1 year. I got approved 3 years in a row. The last year based on my income I was no longer eligible. That's when I took my problem to Google. I researched online and eventually came to a company that I could buy the prescription for a fraction of the cost (though still expensive). So that became my next pattern, every tax refund I would set aside the money and buy my medication for the year through this company.

So there I was in this routine of life. Now 30 years old, still having my mother call and wake me up every morning. As someone who has a natural desire to be independent this took me several years, fights and tears to come to terms with. No matter how much personal energy I put into it, I couldn't control my sleeping. My frustration would come out to my family, especially my mother. She was the one yelling at me every morning after all. Of course it was all out of love but nevertheless it effected our relationship.

The Prep Work:

Somewhere in the middle of 2010 I had a moment when I felt God tell me that this next year during our 40 days of prayer and fasting I would be fasting my video game AND my laptop. I have been a Christian since I was a little girl but to be completely honest I was like "no way God, you're going to have to come up with something else. And if you can't, I will". For several months he repeated this to me and I would shove it away. I fought it up until the day before the fast began. My Mom had asked me earlier in the day what I was going to fast and I kind of blew her off with the "I don't know" answer but God had been convicting me all more and continued to convict me all day. By that evening I broke. "FINE I'LL DO IT!!" I remember it being much like when I was younger and my Mom would tell me to do something I didn't want to do and I'd try to get my way out of it anyway I knew how and then I'd finally surrender and go do it.....but do it begrudgingly. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to make God happy, I did. I just wanted to pick the sacrifices myself. I was more for not eating dessert or not watching any TV or movies...something along those lines. But with God's still small voice He told me there was no bargaining.

The Fast:

So my 40 days began. I literally have a new sympathy for drug users. I can't explain the desire I had other than I felt like a crack addict needing a fix. I physically felt it. I'm intelligent enough to realize that if I was feeling THAT strongly about a video game and computer I obviously NEEDED to fast it. As the 40 days progressed the desire weakened. I got to the point that I could go days and be ok without playing. Mainly I missed the people in the game I would talk to but I found I was talking to God more. He began opening my eyes up and showing me things that I hadn't dealt with from my past. I think the main one was realizing the grief I had suffered when I was around 14-15 years old when my great grandmother, childhood friend, and the first guy I dated all died back to back. I've long moved forward but I never moved forward from the fear. Fear that at any moment I could lose someone else I loved. I think this is where my need to control things began.

Right after the fast began I sent my laptop away to be serviced and that made the fast that much easier. What I realized though is that it was more than the physical computer and game I was dealing with. This truly was a mental and spiritual battle. Day 17 I remember pulling into my parking space at home and looking at my front door and seeing the Fedex tag and mentally moaning. The computer was back and I'd need to go pick it up. I had to dismiss thoughts of just having Fedex babysit the computer for another 20 days so I made it a point to pick it up the next day and then drop it off at my parent's to have my Dad go ahead and wipe it out and list it to sell. Let's just say things didn't go as planned and I failed this test. I ended up breaking my fast and was convicted about it so I handed my computer over to my sister the following day for the remainder of the fast.

What breaking the fast did for me was to put a new perspective on it. I was finally doing the fast out of obedience, not guilt. I had a new desire to change, which was an answer to the prayer that I had been praying since Day 1, "Lord, change the desires of my heart". And I think at this point God wanted to show me how He could answer more than just that prayer.

The Cool Stuff:

Hindsight is 20/20. Well these are some really cool things that happened and I didn't know about them until the day 39 of the fast. This is the stuff that leaves me in awe. It's the kind of stuff that makes me stop and realize how God really is in control of it all and even if I can't see the big picture, it's ok, He's got it.

So I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how best to show how all of this fell into place and I think making this timeline will help. Below I am going to explain Amy's dream (well I'll explain the first one and then the second is explained in the email she sent me on day 39/40)

Day 17/40: Laptop returned

Day 18/40: Gave laptop to Amy

Day 25/40: Amy has "rude" dream

Day 28/40: Mom fasts water only

Day 29/40: Mom fasts water only

Day 29/40: Amy has "crocodile" dream

Day 30/40: Amy starts the Daniel Fast

Day 32/40: First morning I wake up early

Day 32/40: First day of diet

Day 33/40: Wake up early

Day 34/40: Wake up early

Day 35/40: Wake up early

Day 36/40: Wake up early

Day 37/40: Wake up early

Day 38/40: Wake up early and decide to cut back to 1 pill

Day 39/40: Amy's last day of the Daniel Fast

Day 39/40: Amy sends me an email about what God's been doing

Day 39/40: Wake up early and decide to take 1 pill again

Day 40/40: Wake up early and hear God tell me not to take any pills

Day 40/40: The last time I ever took another pill. It's been 364 Days with NO PILLS!

Amy's 1st Dream / aka "Rude" Dream:

I wish I had kept what the exact dream was but all in all it was a dream that my family was standing in a line somewhere and I came and cut in that line. My sister was mad at me for cutting and thought I was rude for cutting. When Amy told me the dream I knew immediately what it was about. My actions at that time were really affecting my family. My game playing had gotten out of control. I was even bringing my laptop to my niece's birthday parties and playing instead of joining in the family celebration.

Amy's Email (also talking about second dream):

So today is my last day of the fast and I wanted to let you know what God has told me through this.

First off, I started this for you because of a dream. I was awoken last Thursday morning at 5:30 am with this. In the dream Mom and I were in a house. I was standing in front of a back door which led out to a swamp. Mom was at the end of the house. I saw a crocodile coming after Sadie outside and was yelling at Mom to "Get Sadie, get Sadie!" She wouldn't listen to me for a few seconds and then jumped to go outside to get her. When I looked outside, I saw you going towards Sadie to save her. Then Dad came behind you to try to save you and so did Mom. Dad grabbed Mom and tried to push her in the house to me to save her. But I grabbed a camera and was taking a picture of you and Dad struggling to get Sadie.

What does that all mean? To me, the crocodile is Satan. Sadie is not Sadie, but your heart--those things you love. And you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the things you love to Satan. Mom and Dad are trying to save you but I have been on the outskirts letting them handle it. It was time for me to do something. As I said to you (I think), I was debating the Daniel Fast/sugar detox for my own health but God clearly said I was to do it as a fast for you. This was my thing "to do".

So during prayer these are the things I've seen:

Satan is here to kill, steal and destroy. You are God's child but he is stealing your time from God with your game. I feel that it is a stronghold in your life and I prayed over your laptop on Tuesday afternoon. I can not explain what I felt when I touched your laptop. Something came over me. But later that day I feel that God said you are released from that stronghold if you want to be. He will never force you to choose Him but if you want to walk away, you can. You are released. It is your choice and you must be the one to do that.

I am not 100% on this one but I believe the 3 days that I began the fast is when I was dying to my desires but on the 3rd day, I believe on Sunday, is when you started waking up early and that is when you "came alive". I have not been told whether all this waking up is a forever thing or will only last while I fast but that is a picture that was brought to my head. I pray it is ongoing.

I feel part of this was me making a sacrifice in eating and amazingly aligned with when you started your diet. I have prayed that as I sacrificed, He would give you the strength to sacrifice as well.

All that to say I love you and God is working, you just need to submit to Him and yes, submit to Mom in some ways. You have been bucking everything she (and He) says and you have to realize how wise she is and how much she wants the best for you. Thank God we have parents that don't give up on us. I'm not giving up either and can't wait to see what else He does.

I've already told Mom many of these things, I just feel released to tell you about them today.

Amy

One Year Later:

I can say the couple weeks after that Day 40/40 proved to be interesting. Each day was a "tip-toe" wondering if tomorrow my life would go back to the way it had been. I went through a season of worry that if I sinned that I would have my healing taken away. I was fearful anytime I felt tired never having experienced a "normal" day of energy. I finally came to a point that I just decided that I was just going to BELIEVE. I'm sitting here thinking "I still don't know why you chose ME God" and I don't. Trust me when I say I know I wasn't healed because I deserved it. I do however know that because He healed me, I will give Him and only Him ALL of the Glory. My eyes are welling up with tears thinking how much my life has changed in just 364 days. I wish some of you could have known me before just so you could see how different things are. It true is amazing. I think one of the coolest things is that I go to sleep with my blind open because I can actually wake up to the sun light now (who knew that really worked?!). Most importantly though this healing has showed me what obedience to God can do for your life! He made the verse Jeremiah 29:11 ring true. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And he did, he gave me hope and hope for my future.


PS. I also wanted to mention about the video game because to be honest, I did go back to playing and I felt horrible every time I did play. I would try justifying that I wasn't doing anything wrong. Playing this game wasn't a sin but I knew in my spirit that I serve a jealous God and that I was spending more time playing that game than I was giving to reading my Bible, praying and telling others about Jesus. I truly believe God sent a friend into my life and he held my hand in the process and I can say it's been 4 months since I've logged on and it is something I am so glad I'm free of but I can also say it's something that I do still miss. I know it's something I can't entertain or I will be right back into that habit.

5/40 40 Days of Prayer & Fasting

As I stare at my monitor I don't even know where to begin. I would have described today as a typical day for the most part. At one point I had to stop work and say a prayer to help me get through the urge of using my phone for texting since that is what I'm fasting for the 40 Days but all in all, nothing was out of the ordinary. I got off of work and headed to Mom & Dad's to pick up Sadie and to grab a quick bite to eat before church. At the dinner table I got a call from my friend, Mary Pat, making sure I was coming and that I knew to look for her when I got there. I slid in beside her at about 7:10, you know me, never on time. Pastor began speaking about being careful of the vows and promises we make. Some of those decisions when made in quick response can be things that last with you for a lifetime. I'll be honest, I really wasn't feeling God pinpointing something specific in my life while he was talking. We moved into a time of prayer and I have been writing my prayers down in a notebook this year. I think when I'm given a longer period of time writing my prayers makes me less "wandering" in my thoughts. Anyhow, I spent the next 15-20 mins praying for several people and situations. This 40 Days I really felt like God wanted me to spend my time praying for other's needs versus my own needs. Maybe part of that is I feel like my physical healing that I got last year was such a blessing, I really feel almost guilty for asking for more. There are so many people who have needs greater than mine that I'd rather them get a miracle. But tonight I started out praying for myself and at one point I even gave myself a little talk on how I should be praying for others but talked back to myself (because yes, I am crazy) and said, it's ok to let some of this stuff out, you just need to vent some. I began thanking God for giving me strength earlier in the day when I felt my self control fading fast and the desires of my flesh beginning to win. I prayed for Him to change the desires of my heart. For the things that I want but aren't of Him to be changed. I also prayed "break the chains of bondage, In Jesus name!"

I guess we've all made mistakes. I tell myself that all the time. I'm not the only one who has done stupid stuff. I made my mistake when I was 16 and every day since I have regretted it. But it wasn't just that day. I made the same mistake over and over through the years and that I think is what makes me feel like what I've done is so unforgivable. If I was really sorry for what I had done wouldn't I have "turned from my wicked ways" and never returned. Somehow, I found myself in that same situation, making that same mistake and feeling just as guilty and just as unclean and sorry as the first time. I'd cry, I'd get mad, I'd try to ignore it...

This past year I joined our single's group in a Beth Moore study called "Breaking Free". There was one point in her video that she said "do you find you have a sin that you commit and in your head you're thinking 'I don't want to do this, why am I doing this, I hate myself for this', well this study is going to show you how you're in bondage." It's then that I felt God begin something in me.

Sorry, back to tonight's events...Pastor was back in front of the sanctuary and you could see by his body language the burden he had. He wanted to listen to God and do what he felt God wanted him to do. He said he was wrestling on how to close the end of the prayer time when a man gave him a prayer card and felt the pastor himself should pray over it. He commented on the beautiful handwriting on the card. At this, he had my attention because honestly, I've been told I have pretty handwriting before and I knew I had taken my time writing out my request. I held my breath waiting for him to say it was written in green ink but he didn't, so I thought I was in the clear.....And then he began reading it. My breath caught and tears began to well up in my eyes. I kept wiping them and willing them away but they wouldn't quit. The prayer request was for me to finally be free of my past mistakes, to finally forgive myself. He went to his Bible and read from Luke 13. It's about a woman who had been crippled by a spirit for 18 years and Jesus said to her "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity"...she was immediately healed. He then ask if the person who wrote the prayer card was present. I raised my hand...He asked me to come up front. And right then and there I believe with all of my heart God broke the chains of bondage and healed me. All I could say is "thank you Jesus", I had no other thoughts come through my mind. Service was over and I found my way back to my seat where I had people hugging me and telling me how that very prayer request was something they too could have written and let me know if I needed anything to please tell them. At that point I honestly felt like I was drugged on some kind of medication. Everything felt so hazy and dreamlike. I made my way to my parents and I think they were in as much shock as I was. I drove home and literally found myself in a hot bubble bath staring at the knob for the water wondering what in the world had just happened. I'm still wondering what happened, yet I know without a doubt. God amazes me. Someone like me who deserves His forgiveness and grace the least, He continues to bless. It makes no.sense. But I'm thankful and I give Him all the glory because it's definitely not because of anything I've done. ....and people wonder why I'm a Jesus Freak....if they only knew.

Daily Gifts of Grace by Women of Faith

Book Description

Women of Faith speakers share insight, advice, laughter, and maybe even a few tears in this daily devotional. Voices from fiction, recognizable names from Christian conferences, and well-known Christian writers also are included.

Daily Gifts of Grace is a daily devotional designed specifically for women, with a beautiful hardbound case and a magnetic closure. Readers will be pleased to open it for a devotion that will help them face the day or for an inspirational devotion to close the day.

Contributors include Joni Eareckson Tada, Lisa Whelchel, Jenna Lucado, Sheila Walsh, Kim Cash Tate, Patsy Clairmont, Natalie Grant, Lisa Harper, and others.

Book Review

This book is everything I thought it would be, which is a good thing! It's a daily devotional full of Godly wisdom. I just recently went to a Women of Faith conference and was chomping at the bit to purchase something from the literature table but because of that silly thing called a budget I had to pass. I've found this book portrays the same thing you get while at one of their conferences and that is God's word lived out in real women's lives. The size, design and layout of the book makes it perfect for a gift or even for yourself to carry along in your purse or keep at work when you need a moment to refocus.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

40 Days of Prayer and Fasting - Day 1

Today begins our annual 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting at church. This year is so different from last year. Last year I was in such bondage from World of Warcraft it's all I could focus on. This year I feel like it's so much NOT about me at all. God wants to use me to help others and in that, I will be rewarded. And rewarded with what God has in store, not what I can ask for. I'm excited this year to see what God can and will do. I've grown so much and just want to praise God for the miracle He gave me last year and celebrate what only He can do for others!! I am physically fasting from texting. Knowing that I've been holding onto some relationships that just need to be severed I feel like this is the time to do it. I know that by not putting the effort into keeping in contact with them, they will not make the effort into contacting me. The people who want to be in my life and should be in my life will make the extra effort to get in touch with me. I'm also going to be attending the services at church during the 40 days. It's going to be a stretch to discipline myself to get there every night but I want to be there.

Intentions for 2012

You know the suckiest part about growing up and being an adult is the moment you realize that you don't always get to sit back and wait for things to happen. Sometimes you have to muster up your own motivation and just do somethings yourself. I'm a smart girl, I promise, but somethings just seem to take awhile to click for me.
I'm now 31 and I'm just really getting that if I want to have that super model body or even that sleek dancer body, I'm actually going to have to do more than daydream about it. If I want to get out of debt and stay out of debt, I'm actually going to have to work with a budget, not pretend I can do math in my head. If I want to be a knowledgeable Christian, I'm going to have to actually read my Bible and study it. If I want a healthy relationship, I'm going to have to do things to promote that, not things that destroy it. I'm not sure where my lack of cause and effect started to break down but I have had my eyes opened to it and can say there are several areas of my life that I tend to not put the effects (consequences) with the causes (actions...my actions..actions that I actually come up with on my own).
I have someone in my life that has recently been hurt emotionally from my actions and I can't tell you the pain it causes me to think that my own thoughts and then actions effected someone this way. The good thing that has come out of it is that once again my eyes have been opened to something I really need to work on. That I need to be so much more intentional in my life instead of sitting around waiting for things to just happen. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you can "make" somethings happen or even control everything, but I do think that if you put effort into an area of your life you definitely increase the chances of what you want to happen to actually come to fruition. So with the New Year here and a chance to start with a clean slate this is My Intentions for 2012:
*Remove people from my life that have no other function than to keep me from being alone.
*Actively read my Bible and journal/blog.
*Be honest to myself even when it hurts and it's easier to excuse my behavior.
*Be honest with others even when it hurts and it's easier to ignore the truth.
*Find that internet site that helps minister to the lost that was talked about on Missions Sunday.
*Finish the Couch to 5k program.
This is just the beginning of my list. There's a lot I want to do and this year, I'm going to be intentional about doing it.
To the person I hurt, I'm sorry. You and I both know that all things happen for a reason and I know you were placed in my life for several reasons. Opening my eyes is another one. Thank you for your support and continued grace.

An Amish Wedding By Beth Wiseman, Kathleen Fuller, & Kelly Long

Book Description

Three Amish women yearn for the perfect wedding.

"A Perfect Plan" by Beth Wiseman

Priscilla King has been planning to marry Chester Lapp since she was sixteen years old, and when Chester proposes on Priscilla’s nineteenth birthday, wedding plans begin immediately. What wasn't planned was all the problems the couple encounters as their big day approaches. A house disaster, a ruined wedding dress, and a sick attendant all make the couple wonder if God's sending them signs to call things off.

"The Perfect Match" by Kathleen Fuller

Naomi Fisher has had great success at matchmaking her family members and friends. Now with her sister’s wedding right around the corner, Naomi wonders why she’s able to find husbands for her friends and family, but not one for herself.

"The Perfect Secret" by Kelly Long

Rose Bender has recently become engaged to handsome but somber Luke Raber. She agrees out of a sense of duty and a willingness to settle for solid friendship as a basis for the engagement. But as she watches her friend's excitement over her soon-to-be wedding, Rose wonders if there shouldn’t be more to her relationship with Luke. She begins to examine Luke and his life more closely and is amazed when she stumbles upon an exciting, secret side of him that engages her mind and heart.

Book Review

I have to admit I'm a sucker for romance novels. I was excited to get a 3 novel in 1 book all about L-O-V-E. I have to say after reading the first novel, A Perfect Secret, I was left disappointed. The characters lacked depth and the plot itself was weak. By the second novel, A Perfect Match, I had little hope for anything better but was happy to finish it was a thought of, “well that wasn't as bad.” A Perfect Plan finished the book and I was finally able to finish it and feel like reading the three books weren’t a complete waste of my time. I can’t say I’ll be recommending this collection to anyone but I will be looking out for something else by Beth Wiseman.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Heroes and Villains of the Bible By Thomas Nelson

Book Description

50 true-life adventures of real people from the Bible—stories of good versus evil, right versus wrong, and heroes versus villains—and their life-shaping lessons that point children to God—the greatest hero of all!

The Bible is packed with stories of courageous people who loved and served God, and how He used them to do great things in the world. It is also filled with villainous people who disobeyed God and did horrible things. Heroes and Villains of the Bible encourages its readers to aspire to become great, courageous, and heroic servants of God, and reject all that is evil in the world.

With Heroes and Villains of the Bible, children will realize some of their favorite heroes aren’t from the movies, but are real people from the Bible.

Book Review

What I loved about receiving this book is that it is not just your normal kids book filled with tales of the Bible, but the Bible itself! What better way to get a child interested in reading the Bible?! The size of the book, illustrations, fonts and styling of the book would appeal to any young adult I know. I would definitely recommend this book to parents in need of a gift for their own child or even as a gift for their kid's friends. I can't wait to pass mine on to my nieces!!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

His Steadfast Love by Golden Keyes Parsons

Book Description

The Civil War - a defining time of great sacrifice, change, and betrayal which determined the fate of the Nation.

It isn’t until it comes into her very home that Amanda Belle must face impossible choices of love, loss, and loyalty.

It's the spring of 1861 on the Gulf Coast of Texas. Although Amanda never thought she would marry because of her promise she made to her dying mother, her attraction to Captain Kent Littlefield is undeniable.

When Texas secedes from the Union, her brother Daniel marches off to war to fight for the Confederate States and Kent remains with the Union troops.

Her heart is torn between the two men she loves and the two sides of the conflict. When she turns to God for help, Amanda expects direction and support, but hears nothing. Is God listening to her anymore? Where is God in the atrocities of war—and whose side is He on?

Amanda senses her life is at a turning point. But she must trust God to bring her family through the chaos that threatens her home, her family, and the beloved state of Texas . . . with her heart, and her faith, intact.

My Review

I have to admit, this book took me a few days to get into reading but once I did it was hard to put down. I loved the historical time period this book takes place in and I love how the author immerses you in it. There were several times I felt myself imagining places and scenes from Gone with the Wind though the main character, Amanda, is nothing like Scarlett. If you love a good Christian romance book this one is a good choice.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Billy Graham in Quotes by Franklin Graham

Book Description
A note from Franklin Graham: "My father, Billy Graham, is known for speaking out about the one and only thing that matters in this world: the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. He remembers the call of God seven decades ago to preach the Word of God to all those who would listen about salvation that comes only through Christ. He took this high calling with seriousness and boldness in obedience to God and once said, 'I will travel anywhere in the world to preach if there are no strings on what I am to say.'

"My father has always prayed that his words would reflect God’s standard of truth as the basis to claim, 'I have given them Your word' (John 17:14). In this book, I believe you will see that he has faithfully spoken God’s Word that quenches the thirst of those seeking to draw from the wellsprings of Life. It is highly meaningful to see these statements now collected in one volume."

Drawn from an unparelleled collection of both personal and published works, Billy Graham provides input on more than one hundred topics, such as suffering, joy, money, addictions, peace, and many more.

My Review
This book is a token of the wisdom Billy Graham has shared with people for so many years. I love having this resource at my finger tips. The book is divided up into categories depending on the subject of the qutoes. I will be able to use this for years to come whether it be for facebook status', for helping drive a point home when witnessing or even checking my own life and how I'm living it. I think Franklin Graham did a wonderful job selecting quotes that still stay in context and match up with the Word of God. I would recommend this book for your personal library or even for a gift.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Falling to Pieces by Vannetta Chapman

Book Description:
In this first book of a three-book series, author Vannetta Chapman brings a fresh twist to the popular Amish fiction genre. She blends the familiar components consumers love in Amish books—faith, community, simplicity, family—with an innovative who-done-it plot that keeps readers guessing right up to the last stitch in the quilt.

When two women—one Amish, one English—each with different motives, join forces to organize a successful on-line quilt auction, neither expects nor wants a friendship. As different as night and day, Deborah and Callie are uneasy partners who simply want to make the best of a temporary situation. But a murder, a surprising prime suspect, a stubborn detective, and the town’s reaction throw the two women together, and they form an unlikely alliance to solve a mystery and catch a killer.

Set in the well-known Amish community of Shipshewana, Falling to Pieces will attract both devoted fans of the rapidly-growing Amish fiction genre, as well as those who are captivated by the Amish way of life.

My Review:

This is the first time I've read what's considered to be an Amish novel and I have to say, I loved it. I'm normally one to skip and read the last page of a book to make sure I have a Happily Ever After to look forward to but this time I actually waited to solve this mystery book with the rest of the characters. Vannetta Chapman did a wonderful job with the development of her characters. By the end of the book I felt like I had made a new circle of friends, not to mention she has peaked my interest in quilting. I definitely counted it a pleasure to read this book and would recommend it for casual reading.

This book was kindly provided to me by Zondervan Publishers for my honest review.

Your 100 Day Prayer By John I. Snyder

Book Description
Readers are guided through 100 days of intentional prayer and biblical truth that transform their spiritual lives and reveal God's provision for their needs.

Anything worth having in this life is worth waiting for and worth striving for. Unlike the world, though, Christians are called to a much different kind of pursuit when they survey their dreams, desires, and needs. Instead of an indulgent wish list, Christians are called to live a transformed life where they become more like Christ through the journey of striving after God’s will. In a time when both the world and even some Christians preach instant gratification, Your 100 Day Prayer offers another path—one of transformation while asking, seeking, and knocking for deep desires and desperate needs.

There is nothing guaranteed about 100 days, but as author John Synder says, “This sustained, stubborn, never-give-up spirit of prayer is not so much to persuade God to give us what we want, but rather to transform us in the process.” Your 100 Day Prayer helps readers combine their need with God’s will in a measured, structured, and instructional experience that results in greater spiritual maturity, clarity about God's provision, and real answers to their very real needs. Because our “Father in heaven gives good gifts to those who ask him." (Matthew 7:11).




My Review

I was really excited to receive this book and I have to say this book met my expectations. A little surprised at it's set up but after using it, well, it makes perfect sense. It's set up as a 100 day devotional. Each day has a scripture, encouraging word and space to reflect on what you got from that devotion, where you are in the process or whatever else needs journaled. I love that there is a "how to use this book" section. I think this book could be used by someone who has just now found a walk with the Lord or has several years under their belt and really wants to focus in on a situation. I love that this focuses more on your journey than your problem...and isn't that really what it's about?! Isn't that why God gives us problems so that we can focus on Him because we realize we can't do it without Him? I encourage you to find this book for yourself or it would make a great gift! What I would caution anyone who reads this book is to assume that God will answer your prayer after 100 days or more so, answer it in the way you want Him too. Those of us who have walked with the Lord for any amount of time can attest that He just doesn't work that way. I do however believe Isaiah 55:11 that says His word does not return void. I think if we spend our 100 days reading His word and praying to Him we will see answers to our prayers but maybe it will be to prayers we didn't even know we had.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Cherished - Kim Cash Tate

Book Description:

How can she believe God cherishes her when she can't forgive herself?
Kelli London once dreamed of being a songwriter. As crazy as it seemed, she hoped that God would use the lyrics that came to her while she slept. She dreamed about Brian too, that the love they shared would be a forever kind of love. But choices she'll forever regret upended her hope . . . and turned her dreams to dust. When those dreams come knocking once more, she's forced to deal with the pain of the past.
Heather Anderson's life has spun out of control—first, an affair with a married man, then a one-night stand with the drummer of a popular Christian band that left her devastated. Broken and alone, she cried out to the only One who can save her. And He did. But that's just the beginning, because now she must leave behind the only life she's ever known.
Two women with shame-filled pasts form an unlikely friendship. What does God's forgiveness look like for them? Will they ever believe that He loves them . . . and can still offer them a life where they are cherished?


My Review:

I have to be honest. With my last book selection to review I was so hesitant about reading another one I wasn't sure I would. However, I'm so glad I did! I found this book so enjoyable. Each character had a certain characteristic that I could so easily relate with. The main characters Kelli and Heather are dealing with their realities based on past decisions they both made. Haven't we all been there?! I know I have. The guilt and shame that is created when we don't follow God's plan can be so tramatic. Yet this book gives hope that no matter what your past is, God can create a new you. This doesn't mean you don't deal with the consequences of your actions but you can move on and once again feel whole and renewed in Him. I also love how the book webs together friends and family and shows how God uses not only those around us but the most unlikely people to show us more of HIM. This is a definite reading recommendation from me!!!


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Couples Who Pray

Several months ago I signed up with Booksneeze and I was so excited to receive my first book "Couples Who Pray" by Squire Rushnell and Louise DuArt. I would love for my first review to be nothing short of raving but sadly I was so disappointed in this book. The first half of the book is like reading an info-mercial by celebrity couples saying that if you just pray together 5 mins. a day all that is wrong will be made right. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God, the power of prayer and even miracles. I, however, do not believe that just because you pray for something means that God is going to answer your prayer, especially in the way you feel would best suit your needs. This book time and again gives testimony of that happening. I feel this just isn't how things work. I think the concept of praying as a couple is awesome. Infact, I'd say it's essential. I finished this book feeling like everything I read wasn't necessary and I could have just read the title and received just as much. I also found that the angle in which they spoke about tithing was not one that I agreed with. I do tithe and I personally believe God calls all of us to tithe however the book went with the angle of what tithing would do for you personally. The whole premise of tithing is giving not receiving and I felt it was wrong of the authors to say anything different.

So all in all I do not recommend this book. I will however just recommend you taking your time to actually pray for God's will in your life as a couple and as individuals. Let Him reveal what each of you need to be doing together and seperate to become more like him.